I have at least 5 parties to attend over the next 3 weekends and I'm going to have to attend them without having food as a crutch. I'm going to have to bring food and not eat it. I have to talk to people without relying on food to allay my social anxiety and fear of putting my foot in my mouth in one of my impulsive, ADHD moments.
I won't be able to gorge myself on foods I would never have in my home or buy for myself. That's the thing about parties. I love to go to parties because of the food, and I hate to go to parties because of the food.
At my church we're into celebrating everything, and everything involves food--delicious food and lots of it. At school people bring special treats for everything. At weekly faculty devotions, the leader is supposed to bring a treat.
If my husband and I want to do something special, we go to a cheap restaurant in order to stay within our budget. Family get togethers are dominated by food.
I really don't know how to talk to people without food smoothing the way. Alcohol has never appealed much to me--its always been food.
The food is killing me. More insidiously than alcohol or nicotine, it is still killing me. But unlike alcohol and nicotin and other addictive substances, I need it to live.
How can something that God created so good, become so evil for me?
Imagine a world that sin had never entered. Where genetic alterations that make some people prone to addiction had never happened. Where celebration never turns into debauchery--of any kind, either by choice or by uncontrollable compulsions and cravings. That's what paradise would look like, and what it will look like when Christ comes again to establish his new heaven and new earth.
Party!
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Hi Cheri, its Ellen. I'm not sure what blogging is, but I wanted to let you know I'll pray for you and support you in your endeavor. I'm sure you've researched it and considered all the options etc. already, and i have heard very positive things about the surgery.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you about going to get togethers, and out to eat - i'm totally torn also. just last night bob and i stopped at a restaurant where they bring delicious hot bread and cinnamon butter, immediately - of course after overindulging on that and etc. I had to just lay down when I got home - i had such a stomachache. And I'm supposedly trying to be careful and not overeat right now.
Anyway - I'm going on and on, but just trying to let you know you're not alone in the food addiction thing - or using it to fill a void of some kind. love you
Thanks Ellen
ReplyDeleteKilling the overindulging habit is a lot like helping yourself up from depression. You have to make yourself do the exact thing that you do not want to do in order to help yourself.
ReplyDeleteEasy to type about.....Not easy to accomplish over and over.
Strength from me to you!