ENFP-Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception

Took one of those tests on Facebook. Sometimes they are eerily accurate. This one was a personality type test. I am an:

ENFP (Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception)

You are warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. You see life as full of possibilities. You make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns you see. You want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. You are spontaneous and flexible, and often rely on your ability to improvise and verbal fluency. Famous people with your same ENFP personality include: Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Andy Kaufman, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Sandra Bullock, and Robert Downey Jr.

Then again I also took one test called What Lord of the Rings Character are You and I got this:

You are Aragorn, expert tracker, long hidden hope of the free-world, destined to inherit your kingdom. You engender loyalty, members of both sexes hang around you, and you have *excellent* hair!

Well, I do like my hair.

The first test described an outgoing, right-brained, ADHD person with verbal fluency. That's spot on. I am also very spontaneous and flexible. I change lesson plans at the drop of a hat if they're not working. I'm always up for an adventure-anything that will get me out of the house.

I am highly articulate on subjects that engage me. My journey with the lapband is a topic that engages me, and I've had many people comment on how interesting and well-written my posts are.

However, ENFP's, can struggle with fitting into a world that demands organization, precision, and steady production. And, of course, I struggle with food. I still see so many recommendations to record everything put in the mouth. People use an internet source called The Daily Plate. Or they carry a little notebook.

That just wouldn't work for me. I can't remember what I ate or drank long enough to get it into a chart on the computer at night, and I'd lose that notebook within hours.

I worked for 2 1/2 years as a public relations writer at my former college. Everytime I had an idea percolating for an article I'd wander the offices looking for my coffee cup. When I lost my job due to cut backs, my co-workers took me out to eat for a farewell lunch and handcuffed a coffee cup to my wrist. My boss told me she always knew when I was coming up with a great idea when I started losing my coffee cup.

So I have to accept that record-keeping is not going to be one of the tools that works for me in this weight loss process. Instead of trying to do what I'm not good at, I'm using what I'm good at: writing. I chat with others on lapbandtalk and I write in this blog.

This is also what I try to use with the children I teach. I'm honest with them about their challenges but I also tell them what their strengths are. We need to strengthen our strengths and then use them to help us compensate for our weaknesses.

Thank goodness our Heavenly Father generally gives us a mixture of strengths and weaknesses. That personality type of ENFP sounds wonderful but can be very hard to live with. It can feel like a gift and a curse. I love it and I hate it. But the one who made me loves me the way he made me. And he'll guide me through this phase of my life and walk through every step of it with me. I just have to hang on to his hand.

Post-goal fears

I'm really afraid of reaching goal and starting to gain because Im no longer focused on losing. That's what happened to me every time I lost in the past. Once I really got seriously dieting I'd go into hyperfocus on the goal, something ADHD people are good at doing, but once I reached my goal that focus was gone and so was my control.

That's why I'm planning on really tight restriction and getting as much support as I can. I'm hoping to reach goal by Christmas or my birthday (DEC.30) which is all my weight loss in 7 months time, not long enough to have really adopted and adapted to permanant lifestyle change.

My fear is very real and has a basis in reality. The tales of those with WLS (weight loss surgery)who've lost and regained are legend. So I musn't minimize the danger to myself. Perhaps I'll regularly pretend I just got a fill everytime I do gain some weight and do liquids for two days. That seems to get me back on track and will probably result in the scale going down. I usually drop 2 lbs. Then I work to maintain.

I went to Navy Pier with my daughter and two grandsons after school. Took the boys on a boat ride down the Chicago River. Great fun. Tomorrow I'm in an all day praise and worship training seminar or whatever you call it. Should be singing a lot of gospel and contemporary praise songs. Sunday I'm taking care of my grandson's while my daughter runs a mini-marathon in Chicago. Think I'll take some food along tomorrow since I don't know what's being planned for meals.I can usually find something at my daughter's. She doesn't keep treats in the house either. Have a great weekend everyone.

Life After Lapband

I've been so busy!! I don't even know what to talk about. We had our school open house tonight. I had to talk a little bit about my program and introduce someone. Mostly I had to introduce our school's fall project, AOK, Acts of Kindness. Roseland Christian School is having the children do 125 acts of kindness to celebrate its 125th birthday. I also introduced it to the students at a special assembly at the end of the school day and we did a little skit. While I was talking to the kids about the project, a homeless woman (former teacher) came from behind the stage and sat down on the stairs to the stage. Of course, the children's attention was taken from me and I started asking what they were looking at when the homeless woman shook her money can. I turned around, saw her, and asked, "Who's that? What's she doing here?" I kind of shook my head and went back to explaining the Acts of Kindness when she shook her can again. This went on a little bit before I finally debated out loud about giving her my cup of coffee. Then I had a child give her my cup and then I had another child bring a dollar for her can. I finished explaining the acts of kindness and told the kids that when we help or give to others, we might be entertaining angels unawares. It was pretty cool.

I got some great complements from parents I hadn't seen a while. A former student ran into my room to give me a hug and also commented on how skinny I am. I knew I looked pretty good. I had my hair up in its Pebbles Flinstone reincarnation which is like giving myself a natural facelift. I had on blouse that shaded from pink to fucshia and a long skirt that made me look skinnier.

I've stocked my food "pantry" at school with 3 oz. peel-top cans of tuna and chicken as well as protein shakes, peel-top all-natural no-sugar added applesauce and small pop top cans of low-sodium V-8. I also found this Madras lentil and red bean soup in a pouch that you put in a bowl and heat in the microwave. Delicious. I come home not real hungry and have meat and a vegetable for supper. I eat a Kashi bar in the evening for a snack. I drink my decaf lattes throughout the day, and don't crave much. I did have a few cravings last weekend and one day this week. Not having anything in the house to pig out on really helps. I'm not willing to run to the store to get something.

For a while today I was thinking about eating this way the rest of my life and got a little nostalgic for the "good old days." But those days weren't that good. I'm just off the last of my bp meds. Gotta call the Dr. to see what the results of my chem panel were. Maybe I can get off my Crestor and just take my Niacin to help keep my good cholesterol up.

I like looking good; I like feeling good. I like climbing slides and monkey bars with my grandchildren. I like pushing them in their little cars all over the sidewalk and driveways. I like going for long walks along the edge of the forest preserve and watching the deer. I like having the energy to climb stairs at work. I like having great breath control while singing. I like being able to make it through the whole set during the church service without the front of my leg going numb.

When the food calls me I need to weigh what I've got now vs the ephemeral satisfaction of food. I can be so visionary in so many ways and a real big picture person, but with food I could never see beyond the end of my tongue. Maybe if I keep listing all the good things that have happened and give God the thanks every day, I'll be able to think outside the stomach and continue in this lapband journey.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

Greek Food and Monkey Bars!

My first full week of school really kicked my butt--need the extended weekend to recover. Lost a couple more pounds. I brought several items to stock up at school. I love the peel-a-can tunas and chicken. I have some applesauces and low-sodium V-8s. I also have some protein shakes. None of them need refrigerating, they're all pre-measured amounts. So far, that's working great.

Whoo hoo! I'm at a 40 lb weight loss--30 more to go. I tried on the outfit I got married in in 2000 and it fits! Its very elegant and will fit even better by my October reunions.

Went to a Greek restaurant tonight and had my first glass of wine in forever. It tasted really good and I used it to moisten my appetizers since I'm so restricted and I did want to enjoy my food without pb-ing. Had some flaming Greek cheese, some stuffed vine leaves(pork and rice) with yoghurt, and ate some of the spinach filling out of some spanokopitakia or something like that. My husband also ordered a salad and I had a few bites of that. I love sharing appetizers.

My husband is a very slow eater and I used to gobble my food and then have to sit there and wait while he finished eating. It took forever. Now, I'm eating more slowly and much smaller bites than him. I actually ate for an hour and didn't eat too much! What a change.Wonderful food. I only had 2 protein shakes all day so I could enjoy my meal out without guilt. Then we parked where we could walk to downtown Chicago and just walked around enjoying the crowds and the sights. I had walked in the morning for an hour, too, so got plenty of exercise.

I got called to sing on the praise team tomorrow morning so I'll be up bright and early since we practice before the early service. That's always a great start to my Sundays.

Had a granddaughter (3yrs.) demand that her dad take her over to see me, so she was over a few hrs. today. She's a stitch. Talks non-stop. Huge words. Took her to the park and was actually able to go down the slide with her. Haven't done that in a long time. Haven't been able to do that in a long time. I also climbed up a sloping set of monkey bars with railings to show her how to do it. Never thought I'd do anything like that ever again either. I also crawled through a tunnel, but that killed my fake knees.

Hope to see a few more grandchildren this weekend. My mildly autistic grandson is very dear to my heart. He's 4yrs old and I see him and his little brother Josh (2yrs) a lot. They get so excited when they see me. Grandkids are the best therapy.

And now I can play with them better than ever. I think I'll take them to the park and go down the slides with them and climb up the monkey bars (but no tunnels.) I love the new designs for playground equipment. So cool. I'm really into this second childhood thing. Whoo hoo!

God is good, all the time,
All the time, God is good.

Onederland, Baby!

So I'm now less than 200 lbs. I'm in the 100's. Whoo hoo! Onederland is onederful. I have a college reunion and high school reunion next month and people might actually recognize me without the weight. I feel like I got my face back. It was being held hostage by double chins and fat cheeks. My eyes looked smaller and now they're becoming a bigger, more dominant part of my face the way they used to be. I had long, long hair back in the day and now its at least shoulder length whereas a year ago it was pixie length.

Today, my husband also finished getting the toilet, shower stall, and sink out of the downstairs bathroom, three of the hardest things we needed to get out of the basement preparatory to having Permaseal come in and make us that moat. He also got all the paneling and wallboard and ceiling panels down and got it all hauled away for free by a guy who wanted our old cabinet and sink and helped remove them as well as taking a heavy metal shelf set we got rid of out of the garage. My husband's probably saved us about $2000 by demolishing the whole basement himself. He's saved us the cost of renting a dumpster by making this deal with the garbage picker who wanted our metal shelves. What a relief!

Now I've just got to figure out how to pay for the basement makeover, which job Ken is not even close to qualifying for. First we have to treat the walls with bleach before we cover them up again. Maybe I'll finally be rid of the smell of mold wafting up from the basement. It's not nearly as bad, but its still there.

Taking layers off me, taking layers off the basement. Hope what's under my layers is a lot more attractive than what we've found under the basement layers. Eeuw!

I have blinders on my eyes when it comes to the basement. I just don't look when I go down there and I try very hard not to smell. I think I put blinders on when I looked at myself in the mirror, too. Just don't see what you don't want to see. Lately, my church has been having slide shows of last year's events in order to promote this year's version of those events. There I am, magnified on large screen in all my plump glory in front of the whole congregation. Somehow, I never thought of myself as that fat.

I need those reminders of how bad it got. I know I look much better than before. I don't always trust my eyes because I'm so capable of wearing those blinders. Its a relief when someone notices and confirms what my eyes are telling me.

My body is telling me things are much better. I'm running up and down almost 50 steps at work without getting winded. I walk an hour most days. What used to take me 50 minutes to walk now takes me 40. My blood pressure is wonderful. I think I'll be off all meds for my bp very shortly. Hoping the same for my cholesterol. I feel great. I look a lot better.

For today, that's enough. Onederland, baby.

God is good all the time.
All the time God is good.

Making a Difference-Why I Got Banded.

I love having restriction. After a few bites, which I tend to go just a little too fast with because I'm hungry, I feel constriction with some pain. My hint to slow down and eat tiny, well-chewed bites. So I eat a little, wait for a burp, eat a little, wait for a burp. Eventually I get the hiccups, and I wait for them to pass. Now the food is cold. I've begun to lose my taste for it. It's been over 20 minutes since I started to eat so my brain is starting to register fullness. I take another small bite just to see if I want anymore. I have totally lost interest.

I've lost a few more lbs., 38. This morning I hit onederland (when you're under 200 and are in the one hundreds you are in onederland.) I'll officially announce it tomorrow if the scale tells me this was not an aberration. I am down to 1 blood pressure med, 1 cholesterol med, and my anti-inflammatory.

I've been climbing all kinds of steps at the school throughout the day without even thinking about it. Not winded at all. So many advantages to not being able to eat.

School is going well. I'm slowly increasing the number of children I see. Hopefully I'll be able to keep my assistant for two days a week.

Let me tell you the story of one of my former students. Graduated last spring. Came from a difficult home situation. Raised by a foster mother in her 70's who slowly went blind and handicapped from diabetes. Number of other foster kids in family. Foster mom died when he was in 7th grade. One of her relatives took him in, thank God.

Got a request from him to be my friend on facebook. Went to his profile page. Most of his friends so far are former RCS teachers and classmates.

We were one of the most stable parts of his life for most of his young life. That's why I see so many kids at RCS. Many of the chidren I see year after year after year. I build a relationship with them. They don't care about my weight, they just care that I'm there.

Losing the weight makes me more available for them. Please pray that I'll be able to keep working with these kids. Roseland Christian is where my heart is, where my passion lies.

Today we had an unplanned fire drill. I was outside with 2 of my students when the fourth grade class came out. I see a majority of the children from that class. They mobbed me. Almost knocked me over as they all tried to hug me at once.

I love my job.

Educating Primary Care Physicians about Lapband

As with all surgeries, lapband can result in complications. The band can slip, infection can occur, some people are so good at eating around the band (using slider food) that they gain weight back, or they never go in for their fills. Some Dr.s don't seem to give very good advice to their patients about sticking to higher density proteins and not turning them into slider food by adding things like gravy to them. Some actually recommend that people "prime the pump" with liquid before they eat. Some Dr.s take forever to give their patients a fill that actually acheives restriction.

Not all patients make sure they get the kind of support system they need to achieve success nor do their Dr.s The lapband is a tool not a cure. Other issues need to be dealt with simultaneously. If they're not, the band isn't as successful.

So some primary care physicians seem to only be aware of the failures and are unwilling to recommend their patients for the lapband. They also don't distinguish between gastric bypass which is much more drastic and has many more severe complications and the lapband. They confuse the statistics for the two.

I think a lot of these Dr.s really don't understand the nature of compulsive overeating. They keep thinking that if their patients just listened to them and followed the diets they hand them and had better nutritional education they'd lose the weight. But time and again, nutritional information and closely supervised diets don't help their patients.

Over the years some have prescribed drugs that haven't helped and have actually harmed overweight patients.

When I think of the money and time I spent on Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Tops, OA, Atkins, and some wierd combination of thyroid and speed one Dr. put me on, it makes me angry. I had a Dr. who didn't believe in the band. She thought I could do it myself. I knew I couldn't. I had to go to a new Dr. anyway because of insurance so I tested the next Dr. to see if he recommended the band. With two co-morbidities he took it seriously. He had Dr. friends who did lapband surgery with great success. So he went ahead and recommended me for the surgery which started the year long process of jumping through hoops to get the band.

I'm blessed that I had the persistance to get through that year and that I had a cooperative Dr. My insurance company also sent me to a top-of-the-line specialist. Some insurance companies won't cover the surgery at all. Although I have access to a nutritionist at my surgeon's office, I've found even greater support on lapbandtalk, especially on a thread called I'm here to help...This blog has also proved to be an invaluable ally in my recovery.

A lady at my church who is in much worse shape than me has not been able to get her primary care physician to recommend the lapband. Meanwhile, the meds she's on for her co-morbidities have made her gain even more weight.

People need to explore the risks, the failures, and the successes of lapband surgery before they make a decision. They need to know that its still hard work to lose the weight and keep it off. Their Dr.s should be helping them explore their options and get set up for success if the option for lapband is chosen.

I think the primary physicians need to get more educated, not only about lapband surgery, but about compulsive overeating itself. It is an eating disorder, an addiction, with genetic, biological, emotional, psychological, and spiritual componants that all need to be addressed. The band helps relieve the person of enough of the addiction aspect to let them work on the other aspects.

I had worked for years on all the other componants with counseling, 12-step meetings for food addiction, 12-step meetings for codependency issues, not to mention prayer and Bible reading and Bible study groups. I'd come to pretty good terms with my ADHD/ADD and still I could not succeed in losing and keeping off the weight.

I had a medical condition that needed a medical solution. I hope the woman in my church gets the help she needs. I hope the lapband, if she gets recommended, proves to be the tool she needs like it has for me. She's a precious soul and very much loved and appreciated in my church community. I want her to be around yet for a long time.