Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I am really tied down teaching this year. By which I mean I have to stay in my seat period after period working intensively with some very needy kids who can't be left to work independantly. Many of my groups are smaller, but I only have an assistant two days a week, so I'm having to take the iron bladder option the other three days.

This is where the limits of the NCLB program for my school become more obvious. I am supposed to be a supplemental program for reading and math, remedial not special ed. But many of my kids are probably special ed level though Chicago Public Schools would do their best to make sure they get no services. One child I have is actually from a special ed setting but was getting bullied in his school so the mother sent him to us, knowing we can't provide him with the intensive services he qualifies for, but also knowing that he won't make that much progress anyway. He's functioning at a first grade level though age-wise he's a fifth grader. I see him every chance I can get, but he's usually with a fairly large group of kids which makes the one on one teaching he needs impossible.

I have a number of students who test below the 10th percentile, meaning they need intense remediation and close to one on one teaching. Especially since several are in the first and second grades and are not yet reading, they have to sound out almost every word of every work page out loud to me. Incredibly time consuming. Having two of these children together totally ties me down.

My older groups have students who are also really low. It's hard to get to them and give them the extra time they need. I have one break period everyday except Tuesday but I'm working with kids before school and after school. So its straight sit-down-next-to-the-child teaching from 8 a.m. till 4 p.m.

Since I see these kids year after year I do see progress over time. In fact, the average increase in test scores over the years I see the children is @15%.

A number of the fourth graders I see are making great progress. Several have graduated from the reading program and are coming only for math. They are eager beavers and a pleasure to work with. They have sweet natures and are very loving. They absolutely love me and love to come to my classroom. All the fourth grade girls I see are in after school care and I made my after school class out of this group of girls. I figured they'd be the easiest and most rewarding group I could teach when I'm starting to run out of teaching gas. I was right.

It is dfficult to come home and not eat a lot and get my excercise, too. I'm getting home later, I'm really hungry by then and mentally tired. Writing in this blog is becoming more difficult.

Plus my son and his 3 year old have been coming over almost every night to shower and bathe respectively since their bathroom has been dismantled. I can't ignore my granddaughter. So the blog is taking a back seat for a while. I am still doing well with the food, though I can't exercise as much as during the summer.

I've also got a few conventions to go to and a couple of reunions.

Life is busy. Life is difficult. Life is good.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

47 Lbs Down, 23 to Go

My body has changed so much since the last time I weighed this much. I've totally lost my butt and now have the typical Dutch flat wide back end of a bus hind end.I also had a fat abdomen but not a tummy. Now I've got 2 rolls and the bigger one is on top My waist is thicker, my hips are thinner and so are my thighs. If it fits my waist it bags on my butt and thighs. So what suits me is not currently in the stores. LOL. But I still look better in clothes than before, and want more of them.

A week ago I went shopping. I'm in between an XL and an L. Neither looked right. The mirrors and lighting in the fitting rooms are absolutely unforgiving. My body's fat distribution has changed so much from the last time I lost weight. My upper stomach sticks out more than my abdomen, but the abdomen has the hanging skin. My thighs are thinner but unbelievably flabby and flappy. My legs are full of varicose veins. My butt has become the typical Dutch butt--wide and flat like the back end of a bus. Once upon a time my figure was hourglass. That was depressing. I left the store and didn't buy anything.

Makes me want plastic surgery but I'll never be able to afford it. And I'm scared of the pain. Sounds worse than my knee surgeries, neck surgery, and my hysterectomy combined..Gettin' old is a real bitch.

My hysterectomy 10 years ago is partially responsible for the redistribution of my weight. Pregnancies, nursing, age and weight loss have warped the rest.

I went back a few days later. Bought some XLs and hope they shrink a little when I wash them so they'll fit a while. Today I used my cash back bucks to buy a really great pair of pants. My guess is nobody my age except the very rich looks very good without their clothes. I feel like I'm starting to look good in my clothes. That's a good thing.

My goal is to reach goal by my birthday, Dec. 30. Forty-seven lbs. down, 23 to go.

In my quest to remain thin and fight my food addiction I used and did a lot of things.

Weight Watchers
Jenny Craig
Thyroid with an unknown appetite suppressant
Overeaters Anonymous
exercising like a maniac
a religious group (lasted 2 meetings, too many rules, too much talk about gluttony, figured Jesus would not have attended either)
various supplements which I believe had extreme amounts of caffeine and who knows what in them.

I've lived 57 years. I don't even remember all the things I did and tried.

But I'm looking much better. 47 lbs off, 23 to go. Whoo hoo! Not there yet. This is the weight I was at the end of my pregnancies.

But my health is so much better. No more blood pressure meds or supplements. No more reflux meds since the Dr. fixed my hiatal hernia when he put in the lapband. I'm thinking soon no more cholesterol meds.

I've discovered Miralax and am no longer eating fiber like a madwoman to counteract the constipation I've suffered since a baby.

I walk 2-3 mi/day at least 5 days a week. Its the only exercise I can really do. Walk outside as much as possible to enjoy the view, fresh air and the sunshine when available. I do have a treadmill I picked up at a garage sale for $35 that I use when the weather gets bad. I can also go to the community center and walk for free on their walking track.

I have a lot more energy, which I need to keep up with the kids I teach and my grandkids. I have some issues, but with the help of the band, they're not driving me into the food.

God is good, all the time,
All the time, God is good.

And I can do all things, through him who strengthens me.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Trimming the Fat

Well, what can I say. I'm back at work full blast. I see kids before school and a large number of kids after school in order to bring up the number of contacts with the kids, both for their sake and for mine. If they qualify, I can see them 5x a week for math, 5x for reading. But fitting that many contacts into the school day is extremely difficult, especially with a lot of the scheduling changes to accommodate the smaller population at RCS. But my program brings in money based on the number of contacts I have with the kids. Also, the kids really need the extra help.

I'm really glad I have the weight off, or I would never be able to handle that many straight periods of teaching. I think I teach for 10 or 11 periods a day. Then I go home and eat and then try over the next 2 hours to get out and walk for at least an hour. I check out Facebook and Lapbandtalk, play a little Mafia Wars while I watch a little TV. I think about writing in my blog--and sometimes I still do--then I go to bed.

Food is going well despite loss of restriction. I can't get in to get a fill until Oct. 27. So I'm back dieting until then. That's a royal pain. It was so nice knowing the band wasn't going to let me overeat. Now its hanging on by my fingernails time again.

One thing thats actually helping right now is the fact that I've divested myself of all church commitments except for choir. I spend time with my grandchildren, but other than that I haven't much of a life. I'm not a phone person, so spend very little time talking to people. The lack of things to do, instead of always running, actually allows me some structure and predictability in my life--especially my evenings, which is a friend to dealing with food. My days have never been that much of a problem because work has a routine. It's always been evenings and weekends that the food gets out of control because there are no routines to act a external controls.

I feel like God is preparing me for something. I just don't know what. I think about getting involved with certain things and then I think--do I really want to? I'm becoming somewhat reclusive, a loner, in my personal life. I think I appear gregarious in public but there's always a certain level of discomfort in a public setting. Will I put my foot in my mouth? Will I talk more than I should? Will I accidentally hurt someone's feelings? Will I get pulled into gossip? Will I express myself poorly and will someone take what I said the wrong way and try to cause trouble for me? Will I unknowingly lose a friendship?

Those are the fears of an ADHD adult woman. Fears founded in reality for all those things have happened to me. Frequently.

I still chat on lapbandtalk. I've poured out a lot of myself into this blog. I respond to other's comments on Facebook, but have very little to say myself. I'm running out of words for this blog. I've been emptied in some ways. As the food takes more of a back seat in my life, and I run out of words, and the committments to all but family have been dropping away, I'm wondering what's going to replace it.

Even my job could end after this year. I can feel myself withdrawing slightly from all the things I did at RCS-letting go of RCS' future. I've planted a lot of seeds, now its in other's hands. I'm seeing the fruit of some of those seeds which makes me feel incredibly humble that God has used and is continuing to use those ideas.

God is changing me. Removing baggage. Trimming the fat (LOL) in more ways than one. I'm waiting for the next great passion to hit. The thing that will grab me and motivate me and give me vision and trigger my problem solving ideas. If I could get paid for having ideas, I'd be rich.

By the way, I'm up to a 44 lb weight loss. That leaves 26 to go.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Sometimes Reality Bites

So, my husband is looking for part time work to supplement his Social Security. Probably Best Buy again. Its crazy that a 62 year old highly competent man can't get full time work--mostly because employers don't want to pay health care for an older worker.

It feels like this is no longer the land of opportunity. So many workers being kept part-time to avoid paying health care. I wonder if all the companies outsourcing to other countries and paying as little as possible to workers in this country realize they've created an underclass of people who can't afford the products and services they're providing? So they cut even more creating a vicious cycle of increasing near-poverty.

I'm so full of arthritis. Even with the weight loss the extra excercise keeps me in constant pain--especially at night when it wakes me up. Mostly its my hip waking me up. I think the steps at work are whats killing the hip. Walking doesn't seem to irritate it much, but add the stairs and its too much. I've adjusted my classroom to accommodate my arthritis. I sit mostly while teaching. I have a flat overhead I use with some materials (it lies only a half inch higher than the table) so I can use it sitting without having to raise my arm to write on it. My assistant does most of the paperwork which relieves me of enormous stress on my neck. But the school is not handicapped accessible and I do climb stairs a lot. I frequently need to speak to a teacher who might be two stories up or go fetch a class that's running late or that the teacher forgot to send.

I wish I could work out more so that when I hit goal I won't have to stay at 1000-1200 calories to maintain but I don't think that's going to happen. Just ate some Cheetos, not a lot, but that tells you what kind of mood I'm in. Haven't had those in months. Not since before surgery.

My job may not exist next year and the thought of finding another teaching job where I can adjust things to accommodate both my arthritis and my ADHD is quite overwhelming. It took me a number of years to get everything running so smoothly.

I've lost jobs before but I wasn't 57. Oh well, the Lord will have to provide if I can't. He's always opened a door for me, but I see all kinds of believers struggling desperately because of the economy and a broken health care system.

Kind of a downer, eh?

I'm not sure I can "10-10-10" this. I'm not sure there's a decision to be made at this point. I really don't want to go back to school which I think I'd need to do to get another teaching job. I probably could do a pros and cons on that. To stay in teaching or not, to go back to school or not, to look at other careers and receive training or try to break into those, or not. Or I may just be buying trouble and the new vendor next year will hire me without making me go back to school or changing my program so it no longer fits me.

For the next 10 minutes it doesn't impact me. In 10 months I'll know and I should have a back up plan in place. In 10 years I'll be retired and the amount of income I'll have depends on my choices now as well as a whole lot of things beyond my control--like the economy, my meager retirement fund, the decreasing value of my house, etc. I have to overcome this inertia that's paralyzing me, but my ADHD works against me. It needs the overwhelming pressure of an immediate crisis to focus on a problem and solve it.

Sorry about that. Once in a while the "what ifs" start to overwhelm me. Life is never easy. But my band is working and I'm working it and the weight is dropping.

Praise God.

Monday, September 14, 2009

10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years

Talked with my 7th grade girls group about the 10,10,10 principle, which is a way of helping you make decisions. We make decisions just about every moment and we need to ask ourselves what would the results be, good and bad, 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, and 10 years from now.

I thought about how that applied to food and how something that looks good right now and would satisfy our craving right now (or maybe not) ends up cumulatively as weight gain 10 months down the road which 10 years down the road puts us on the path of high blood pressure, high, cholesterol, high blood sugar, and prone to heart disease, strokes, Alzheimers, breast and colon cancer, Dr.s' bills, food bills, wardrobe bills, loss of income from not being able to work as well or at all, shame, etc.,etc., etc.

Of course, for my kids, the consequences of bad decisions now, like just going outside and walking around at night in high risk neighborhoods, can be fatal. Told them I didn't want to be visiting their graves, or their jail cells, or them struggling to raise 3 babies from 3 different fathers.

None of them thinks any of that could ever happen to them, but they were almost all telling about dangerous situations with kids showing them guns, bangers trying to sweet talk them, predators trying to talk them into their vehicles, and they find it very exciting.

The part of their brain that foresees the potential consequences of their actions is not fully developed until the mid-20s, but stupid actions we all took when we were young didn't usually have the severe consequences that my 7th graders are more likely to experience. Some of these consequences for bad choices didn't exist. HIV, getting shot, crack cocaine, meth--its not like there weren't drugs available but they weren't so instantly addictive. Teenage pregnancy existed but it wasn't as widespread, nor was it an accepted way of life.

I'm hoping to give these kids a tool, 10-10-10 to get these kids to think beyond immediate gratification.

10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, 10 years from now. Puts things in perspective. For me, for them.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

More Cause for Rejoicing

Lost 2 more pounds. I had a feeling I was about to lose it. My band is looser and I'm feeling less restriction. That's because the fat pad around the stomach that the band rests on is shrinking. But my scale was not yet showing it because fat weight is often replaced temporarily by water weight. So I've now lost 42 lbs.

So now I've got to be careful till my next fill. I have to go in for my three month check-up. I'll try to coordinate a fill to go with it. I really need some new clothes. Fall clothes. I'm going to have to run to a thrift shop. Hopefully next week won't be so crazy busy. I hate shopping, especially at thrift shops.

I spent most of today playing outdoors with my grandsons. Beautiful day. Beautiful kids. This was definitely a day that the Lord made, and I rejoiced in it.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

ENFP-Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception

Took one of those tests on Facebook. Sometimes they are eerily accurate. This one was a personality type test. I am an:

ENFP (Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception)

You are warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. You see life as full of possibilities. You make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns you see. You want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. You are spontaneous and flexible, and often rely on your ability to improvise and verbal fluency. Famous people with your same ENFP personality include: Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Andy Kaufman, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Sandra Bullock, and Robert Downey Jr.

Then again I also took one test called What Lord of the Rings Character are You and I got this:

You are Aragorn, expert tracker, long hidden hope of the free-world, destined to inherit your kingdom. You engender loyalty, members of both sexes hang around you, and you have *excellent* hair!

Well, I do like my hair.

The first test described an outgoing, right-brained, ADHD person with verbal fluency. That's spot on. I am also very spontaneous and flexible. I change lesson plans at the drop of a hat if they're not working. I'm always up for an adventure-anything that will get me out of the house.

I am highly articulate on subjects that engage me. My journey with the lapband is a topic that engages me, and I've had many people comment on how interesting and well-written my posts are.

However, ENFP's, can struggle with fitting into a world that demands organization, precision, and steady production. And, of course, I struggle with food. I still see so many recommendations to record everything put in the mouth. People use an internet source called The Daily Plate. Or they carry a little notebook.

That just wouldn't work for me. I can't remember what I ate or drank long enough to get it into a chart on the computer at night, and I'd lose that notebook within hours.

I worked for 2 1/2 years as a public relations writer at my former college. Everytime I had an idea percolating for an article I'd wander the offices looking for my coffee cup. When I lost my job due to cut backs, my co-workers took me out to eat for a farewell lunch and handcuffed a coffee cup to my wrist. My boss told me she always knew when I was coming up with a great idea when I started losing my coffee cup.

So I have to accept that record-keeping is not going to be one of the tools that works for me in this weight loss process. Instead of trying to do what I'm not good at, I'm using what I'm good at: writing. I chat with others on lapbandtalk and I write in this blog.

This is also what I try to use with the children I teach. I'm honest with them about their challenges but I also tell them what their strengths are. We need to strengthen our strengths and then use them to help us compensate for our weaknesses.

Thank goodness our Heavenly Father generally gives us a mixture of strengths and weaknesses. That personality type of ENFP sounds wonderful but can be very hard to live with. It can feel like a gift and a curse. I love it and I hate it. But the one who made me loves me the way he made me. And he'll guide me through this phase of my life and walk through every step of it with me. I just have to hang on to his hand.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Post-goal fears

I'm really afraid of reaching goal and starting to gain because Im no longer focused on losing. That's what happened to me every time I lost in the past. Once I really got seriously dieting I'd go into hyperfocus on the goal, something ADHD people are good at doing, but once I reached my goal that focus was gone and so was my control.

That's why I'm planning on really tight restriction and getting as much support as I can. I'm hoping to reach goal by Christmas or my birthday (DEC.30) which is all my weight loss in 7 months time, not long enough to have really adopted and adapted to permanant lifestyle change.

My fear is very real and has a basis in reality. The tales of those with WLS (weight loss surgery)who've lost and regained are legend. So I musn't minimize the danger to myself. Perhaps I'll regularly pretend I just got a fill everytime I do gain some weight and do liquids for two days. That seems to get me back on track and will probably result in the scale going down. I usually drop 2 lbs. Then I work to maintain.

I went to Navy Pier with my daughter and two grandsons after school. Took the boys on a boat ride down the Chicago River. Great fun. Tomorrow I'm in an all day praise and worship training seminar or whatever you call it. Should be singing a lot of gospel and contemporary praise songs. Sunday I'm taking care of my grandson's while my daughter runs a mini-marathon in Chicago. Think I'll take some food along tomorrow since I don't know what's being planned for meals.I can usually find something at my daughter's. She doesn't keep treats in the house either. Have a great weekend everyone.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Life After Lapband

I've been so busy!! I don't even know what to talk about. We had our school open house tonight. I had to talk a little bit about my program and introduce someone. Mostly I had to introduce our school's fall project, AOK, Acts of Kindness. Roseland Christian School is having the children do 125 acts of kindness to celebrate its 125th birthday. I also introduced it to the students at a special assembly at the end of the school day and we did a little skit. While I was talking to the kids about the project, a homeless woman (former teacher) came from behind the stage and sat down on the stairs to the stage. Of course, the children's attention was taken from me and I started asking what they were looking at when the homeless woman shook her money can. I turned around, saw her, and asked, "Who's that? What's she doing here?" I kind of shook my head and went back to explaining the Acts of Kindness when she shook her can again. This went on a little bit before I finally debated out loud about giving her my cup of coffee. Then I had a child give her my cup and then I had another child bring a dollar for her can. I finished explaining the acts of kindness and told the kids that when we help or give to others, we might be entertaining angels unawares. It was pretty cool.

I got some great complements from parents I hadn't seen a while. A former student ran into my room to give me a hug and also commented on how skinny I am. I knew I looked pretty good. I had my hair up in its Pebbles Flinstone reincarnation which is like giving myself a natural facelift. I had on blouse that shaded from pink to fucshia and a long skirt that made me look skinnier.

I've stocked my food "pantry" at school with 3 oz. peel-top cans of tuna and chicken as well as protein shakes, peel-top all-natural no-sugar added applesauce and small pop top cans of low-sodium V-8. I also found this Madras lentil and red bean soup in a pouch that you put in a bowl and heat in the microwave. Delicious. I come home not real hungry and have meat and a vegetable for supper. I eat a Kashi bar in the evening for a snack. I drink my decaf lattes throughout the day, and don't crave much. I did have a few cravings last weekend and one day this week. Not having anything in the house to pig out on really helps. I'm not willing to run to the store to get something.

For a while today I was thinking about eating this way the rest of my life and got a little nostalgic for the "good old days." But those days weren't that good. I'm just off the last of my bp meds. Gotta call the Dr. to see what the results of my chem panel were. Maybe I can get off my Crestor and just take my Niacin to help keep my good cholesterol up.

I like looking good; I like feeling good. I like climbing slides and monkey bars with my grandchildren. I like pushing them in their little cars all over the sidewalk and driveways. I like going for long walks along the edge of the forest preserve and watching the deer. I like having the energy to climb stairs at work. I like having great breath control while singing. I like being able to make it through the whole set during the church service without the front of my leg going numb.

When the food calls me I need to weigh what I've got now vs the ephemeral satisfaction of food. I can be so visionary in so many ways and a real big picture person, but with food I could never see beyond the end of my tongue. Maybe if I keep listing all the good things that have happened and give God the thanks every day, I'll be able to think outside the stomach and continue in this lapband journey.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Greek Food and Monkey Bars!

My first full week of school really kicked my butt--need the extended weekend to recover. Lost a couple more pounds. I brought several items to stock up at school. I love the peel-a-can tunas and chicken. I have some applesauces and low-sodium V-8s. I also have some protein shakes. None of them need refrigerating, they're all pre-measured amounts. So far, that's working great.

Whoo hoo! I'm at a 40 lb weight loss--30 more to go. I tried on the outfit I got married in in 2000 and it fits! Its very elegant and will fit even better by my October reunions.

Went to a Greek restaurant tonight and had my first glass of wine in forever. It tasted really good and I used it to moisten my appetizers since I'm so restricted and I did want to enjoy my food without pb-ing. Had some flaming Greek cheese, some stuffed vine leaves(pork and rice) with yoghurt, and ate some of the spinach filling out of some spanokopitakia or something like that. My husband also ordered a salad and I had a few bites of that. I love sharing appetizers.

My husband is a very slow eater and I used to gobble my food and then have to sit there and wait while he finished eating. It took forever. Now, I'm eating more slowly and much smaller bites than him. I actually ate for an hour and didn't eat too much! What a change.Wonderful food. I only had 2 protein shakes all day so I could enjoy my meal out without guilt. Then we parked where we could walk to downtown Chicago and just walked around enjoying the crowds and the sights. I had walked in the morning for an hour, too, so got plenty of exercise.

I got called to sing on the praise team tomorrow morning so I'll be up bright and early since we practice before the early service. That's always a great start to my Sundays.

Had a granddaughter (3yrs.) demand that her dad take her over to see me, so she was over a few hrs. today. She's a stitch. Talks non-stop. Huge words. Took her to the park and was actually able to go down the slide with her. Haven't done that in a long time. Haven't been able to do that in a long time. I also climbed up a sloping set of monkey bars with railings to show her how to do it. Never thought I'd do anything like that ever again either. I also crawled through a tunnel, but that killed my fake knees.

Hope to see a few more grandchildren this weekend. My mildly autistic grandson is very dear to my heart. He's 4yrs old and I see him and his little brother Josh (2yrs) a lot. They get so excited when they see me. Grandkids are the best therapy.

And now I can play with them better than ever. I think I'll take them to the park and go down the slides with them and climb up the monkey bars (but no tunnels.) I love the new designs for playground equipment. So cool. I'm really into this second childhood thing. Whoo hoo!

God is good, all the time,
All the time, God is good.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Onederland, Baby!

So I'm now less than 200 lbs. I'm in the 100's. Whoo hoo! Onederland is onederful. I have a college reunion and high school reunion next month and people might actually recognize me without the weight. I feel like I got my face back. It was being held hostage by double chins and fat cheeks. My eyes looked smaller and now they're becoming a bigger, more dominant part of my face the way they used to be. I had long, long hair back in the day and now its at least shoulder length whereas a year ago it was pixie length.

Today, my husband also finished getting the toilet, shower stall, and sink out of the downstairs bathroom, three of the hardest things we needed to get out of the basement preparatory to having Permaseal come in and make us that moat. He also got all the paneling and wallboard and ceiling panels down and got it all hauled away for free by a guy who wanted our old cabinet and sink and helped remove them as well as taking a heavy metal shelf set we got rid of out of the garage. My husband's probably saved us about $2000 by demolishing the whole basement himself. He's saved us the cost of renting a dumpster by making this deal with the garbage picker who wanted our metal shelves. What a relief!

Now I've just got to figure out how to pay for the basement makeover, which job Ken is not even close to qualifying for. First we have to treat the walls with bleach before we cover them up again. Maybe I'll finally be rid of the smell of mold wafting up from the basement. It's not nearly as bad, but its still there.

Taking layers off me, taking layers off the basement. Hope what's under my layers is a lot more attractive than what we've found under the basement layers. Eeuw!

I have blinders on my eyes when it comes to the basement. I just don't look when I go down there and I try very hard not to smell. I think I put blinders on when I looked at myself in the mirror, too. Just don't see what you don't want to see. Lately, my church has been having slide shows of last year's events in order to promote this year's version of those events. There I am, magnified on large screen in all my plump glory in front of the whole congregation. Somehow, I never thought of myself as that fat.

I need those reminders of how bad it got. I know I look much better than before. I don't always trust my eyes because I'm so capable of wearing those blinders. Its a relief when someone notices and confirms what my eyes are telling me.

My body is telling me things are much better. I'm running up and down almost 50 steps at work without getting winded. I walk an hour most days. What used to take me 50 minutes to walk now takes me 40. My blood pressure is wonderful. I think I'll be off all meds for my bp very shortly. Hoping the same for my cholesterol. I feel great. I look a lot better.

For today, that's enough. Onederland, baby.

God is good all the time.
All the time God is good.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Making a Difference-Why I Got Banded.

I love having restriction. After a few bites, which I tend to go just a little too fast with because I'm hungry, I feel constriction with some pain. My hint to slow down and eat tiny, well-chewed bites. So I eat a little, wait for a burp, eat a little, wait for a burp. Eventually I get the hiccups, and I wait for them to pass. Now the food is cold. I've begun to lose my taste for it. It's been over 20 minutes since I started to eat so my brain is starting to register fullness. I take another small bite just to see if I want anymore. I have totally lost interest.

I've lost a few more lbs., 38. This morning I hit onederland (when you're under 200 and are in the one hundreds you are in onederland.) I'll officially announce it tomorrow if the scale tells me this was not an aberration. I am down to 1 blood pressure med, 1 cholesterol med, and my anti-inflammatory.

I've been climbing all kinds of steps at the school throughout the day without even thinking about it. Not winded at all. So many advantages to not being able to eat.

School is going well. I'm slowly increasing the number of children I see. Hopefully I'll be able to keep my assistant for two days a week.

Let me tell you the story of one of my former students. Graduated last spring. Came from a difficult home situation. Raised by a foster mother in her 70's who slowly went blind and handicapped from diabetes. Number of other foster kids in family. Foster mom died when he was in 7th grade. One of her relatives took him in, thank God.

Got a request from him to be my friend on facebook. Went to his profile page. Most of his friends so far are former RCS teachers and classmates.

We were one of the most stable parts of his life for most of his young life. That's why I see so many kids at RCS. Many of the chidren I see year after year after year. I build a relationship with them. They don't care about my weight, they just care that I'm there.

Losing the weight makes me more available for them. Please pray that I'll be able to keep working with these kids. Roseland Christian is where my heart is, where my passion lies.

Today we had an unplanned fire drill. I was outside with 2 of my students when the fourth grade class came out. I see a majority of the children from that class. They mobbed me. Almost knocked me over as they all tried to hug me at once.

I love my job.